the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I bet he comes in French.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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