Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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