Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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