All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
