so explain again why im purple
no
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
