I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
