I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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