so that wasnt chicken after all
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
