Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
