you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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