If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
