Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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