dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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