Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't notice because vodka
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
