her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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