drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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