We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
