Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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