last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
