Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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