Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed

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  (540): Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed http://tfl.nu/7wu4
  Replies (30) Good night (747) Bad night (3955)
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  (559): View more from California

  Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

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  (559): Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster. http://tfl.nu/p7ub
  Replies (109) Good night (13274) Bad night (1144)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup

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  (413): theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup http://tfl.nu/8gp9
  Replies (12) Good night (652) Bad night (2705)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  What is a male extremity?

  (813): View more from Florida

  i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex

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  (813): I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters (1-813): What is a male extremity? (813): i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex http://tfl.nu/l9w1
  Replies (35) Good night (846) Bad night (4760)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.

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  (810): you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch. http://tfl.nu/47sj
  Replies (29) Good night (1244) Bad night (5056)
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  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

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  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
  Replies (43) Good night (14230) Bad night (1231)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.

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  (813): His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up. http://tfl.nu/2dvo
  Replies (1) Good night (2752) Bad night (890)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.

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  (313): Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose. http://tfl.nu/p7by
  Replies (14) Good night (2908) Bad night (1106)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.

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  (717): Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated. http://tfl.nu/4rw5
  Replies (7) Good night (963) Bad night (1895)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How about a mike?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Already had two of those

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  (978): I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day (617): How about a mike? (978): Already had two of those http://tfl.nu/wf5g
  Replies (4) Good night (1605) Bad night (706)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.

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  (706): they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking. http://tfl.nu/tfa8
  Replies (6) Good night (1077) Bad night (718)
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  (+33): View more from France

  He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands

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  (+33): He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands http://tfl.nu/mwrj
  Replies (3) Good night (1171) Bad night (476)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!

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  (360): DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!! http://tfl.nu/2uub
  Replies (8) Good night (757) Bad night (1111)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...

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  (250): I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes... http://tfl.nu/uyv6
  Replies (4) Good night (1144) Bad night (446)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'

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  (509): I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?' http://tfl.nu/4a3m
  Replies (7) Good night (2095) Bad night (502)

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