you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?