Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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