HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high