why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
