I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
