Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
