I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
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Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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