they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
