Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
