I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
