your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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