He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
