ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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