Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
