He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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