i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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