I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
