If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
