when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
