he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
