I wish I only lived at night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
