I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
