do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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