His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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