Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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