two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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