Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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