I wish my penis had an off switch
look no pants
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
