How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Holy sore nipples Batman
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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