she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
