I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
