I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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