i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
