I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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