it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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