can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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