I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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