you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
