There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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