you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
