forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
