I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
