my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
