I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
