Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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