i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Found your dick twin last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
