I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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