you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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