When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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