WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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