his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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