i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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