My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize