Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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