You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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