Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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