i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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