people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
