walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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