God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize