I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were trust falling into bushes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
