Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
